I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize