I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
