Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
