I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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