I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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