the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
