All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize