ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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