Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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