Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
