your room smells of hookers.
And success
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
