I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
