Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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