I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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