So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
