Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
