The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
