the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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