just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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