She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
