What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
