she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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