Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
