Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
