"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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