ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
