Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
