I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
