My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
