Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
