What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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