end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
