just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cockslap morals
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
