a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
