Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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