I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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