He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
