I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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