She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
