Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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