she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
