Don't make out with my wife yet
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
