so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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