Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
