nut hugger
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
