The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
