is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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