I cockslap morals
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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