$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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