it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
