Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
