I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize