WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize