The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
