just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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