I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
