So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
