Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
