1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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