I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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