ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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