Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
