Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
