96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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