he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
