I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
