i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
