I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I enjoy the company of your penis
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