she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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