just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
